Transforming Pain into Power: How I Stopped Attracting Broken Men and Found True Love

When my therapist bluntly stated, "you attract broken men," it felt like a crushing blow. This wasn't the first time a label had been carelessly thrown at me in therapy, making me question the very nature of the help I was receiving. Instead of feeling supported, I found myself spiraling into a whirlpool of self-shame and self-blame, drowning without a paddle.

The Impact of Harsh Words

The phrase "you attract broken men" hit me hard. It was not just a reflection of my dating history—it felt like an indictment of my identity. Suddenly, I felt more alone, lost, and hopeless than ever. It was a low point that many might see as an ending, but for me, it became a transformative beginning.

Healing Beyond the Surface

My journey to healing began with understanding that it wasn't all of me that was attracting broken men, but rather parts of me that were unhealed and underdeveloped. These were the parts leading my relationships, not my entire being. Acknowledging this was crucial. I wasn’t broken; I was a work in progress.

Deep Level Healing

The real work started with addressing the deeper, subconscious layers of my psyche that were ruled by anxiety and an overwhelming need for control. This part of me had been in charge of my dating life for over three decades, and it was time for a change. I engaged in deeper level healing to ensure that these unhealed fragments no longer dictated my love life.

Setting Clear Value Statements

I also turned the qualities I desired in a partner into specific, clear value statements. For instance, if accountability was a trait I valued, I defined it as wanting "a man who does what he says he’s going to do." This clarity helped me navigate the dating world with more intention and focus.

Ritualizing Dating App Time

Moreover, I ritualized my time on dating apps. Instead of mindlessly swiping while multitasking, I created a sacred space for my dating activities. I set aside 10 minutes each day to engage with the apps deliberately and attentively, paying close attention to the energy I was projecting and receiving. This wasn't just about finding a match; it was about respecting the process and myself.

Inviting Spiritual Connection

These changes weren't just strategic; they were spiritual. By altering how I approached dating, I began to feel a deeper connection to myself and to the potential partners who were also seeking meaningful relationships. This shift wasn't just about avoiding "broken" men; it was about attracting a partner who was as whole and intentional as I was striving to be.

Your Journey Awaits

If you find yourself stuck in similar patterns, consider what part of you might be leading the charge in your relationships and how you can take steps to heal. Remember, the journey to finding a fulfilling relationship often starts with the relationship you have with yourself. Heal, embrace your journey, and open yourself to the love that you deserve.

❤️ Lil

P.S. Take the Feminine Dating Archetype Quiz to reveal your blocks to love and find your true love match.